Lisa Koch

Lyrics

TV’S KNOCKING OFF LESBOS
(to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” – Billy Joel)
Parody lyrics: Lisa Koch ©2018 Mamajune Music (BMI), Tongueinchic Productions LLC

Spoken:
Hey, what’s up, TV? Queer woman are getting killed off at 5 times the rate of “average” characters. That’s bad. Real bad. Like for instance….

Nora and Mary Louise, Vampire Diaries
Alisha and Denise from the Walking Dead are done
Kaplan from the Blacklist, Lexa we were all pissed
Handmaid’s Tale got Martha 617-301

Lilly, Jenny, Charlie all
Dead on “Supernatural”
Xena, Warrior Princess, that was back in ‘01
Dana, Jenny “L Word”
Joan, Danielle, “Wentworth”
Nan, Nora, Tara, Queen Sophie “True Blood”

Chorus:
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

Susan, Talvinder, Renee
“Slasher” made ‘em go away
Bullet from “The Killing”, and Felicity from “The Catch”
“Pretty Little Liars” said Maya, Shawna, Sarah—dead!
“OITNB” whacked Tricia and Poussey

Rachel Posner, “House of Cards”
“Jane the Virgin’s” Rose got shot
Then was resurrected as Susanna and Eileen
“Gotham’s” Barbara, Sara Arrow
“Warehouse 13’s” HG Wells
Resurrected after dyin’,
And the fans are screamin’, cryin’

TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em

Bridge:
Gina from “Shut Eye”
Snoop and Tosha from “The Wire”
Dusty from “Queer as Folk” back in ‘05
Camilla, Mimi, Rhonda, “Empire” from Shonda
Don’t forget Talia rockin’ “Babylon Five”

Wendy, Ivy, Lucy, Alice
Winter, Bebe, and the Countess
Sally and Natasha – “‘Merican Horror Story”
Number 3 and Number 6-ah, “Battlestar Galactica”
“Doctor Who”, Bill and Heather
Kick the bucket, all together

TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

Bridget on “24”,
“Black Mirror”, Kelly Yorkie
Mia from “Rogue”, Zoe, Rachel on “Scream”
Dax, “Deep Space Nine”
“Teen Wolf”, Emily’s dyin’
Carla, “Code Black”, yeah she had the Big C
Julia from “The Exorcist”, Saxa from “Spartacus”
Sophie, Mayfair “Blind Spot”
Jack’s mom, “30 Rock”

TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

Marissa from “The O.C.”, Sam on “Scream Queens”
“Northern Exposure” killed Cicely ‘92
Susan, “Van Helsing”, Ash on “Janet King”
Shaz and Al and Natalie are “Bad Girls”, too

Olivia, “Nip/Tuck”, “Prison Break”, A&W
“Vampire Diaries”, and Nadia got bit
Bridey from “The Family”, June from “Sons of Anarchy”
Tits up, dirt nap, we ain’t gonna take this crap
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em
TV’s knocking off Lesbos
Where’s the happy ending, this is never ending, ending, ending…